


stuck in a limbo, half-hypnotized

by raspbirry_pancakes



Series: the melodies [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Miscommunication, they're both kind of a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-01-25 23:20:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21364315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspbirry_pancakes/pseuds/raspbirry_pancakes
Summary: The kiss was innocent enough- a gentle press of lips that left Roman’s heart pounding and head feeling dizzy. The one that followed wasn’t as innocent, and left Roman reeling, hands frantically reaching out for any part of Virgil he could touch. After that, he could only vaguely acknowledge Virgil leading him to his bedroom and pushing him down on his bed. The rest of the night was a blur from there.Or:The one where Roman gets himself into a mess of a relationship with his best friend/childhood crush.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: the melodies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1516037
Comments: 5
Kudos: 156





	1. up in the morning, tangled in sheets

It started innocently enough. He and Virgil were just looking to crash at his place after a Christmas party at Logan and Patton’s when Virgil tiredly stumbled into Roman, his mouth parting in surprise and drunken amusement, eyes warm and sparkling at seeing his friend as if he’d forgotten he was there. His cheeks were flushed prettily from the alcohol they were drinking earlier, and Virgil leaned into the hands Roman placed on his waist to keep him from falling over. 

The kiss was innocent enough- a gentle press of lips that left Roman’s heart pounding and head feeling dizzy. The one that followed wasn’t as innocent, and left Roman reeling, hands frantically reaching out for any part of Virgil he could touch. After that, he could only vaguely acknowledge Virgil leading him to his bedroom and pushing him down on his bed. The rest of the night was a blur from there.

The next morning, Roman awoke to the sound of his apartment door shutting. He sat on the couch in the living room, phone at his side, the TV turned on low as he absentmindedly watched the daily programs and waited for any sign if Virgil would be returning. 

He waited four hours before finally getting on with his day.   
  


* * *

The next time he saw Virgil, he expected their interactions to be stunted and awkward, but to his surprise, Virgil acted normal. He rolled his eyes at Roman’s jokes, ignored his risqué comments, and made snarky remarks that had even Logan laughing. 

At the end of the night, Patton and Logan waved them goodnight as he and Virgil left. 

Roman was half-convinced that the whole thing was a dream until the second after the door to Patton and Logan’s apartment closed and Virgil pinned him to the wall in a bruising kiss. 

Roman was stunned but quickly snapped out of it to kiss him back just as hard.

“Your place?” he whispered. 

Roman could only nod numbly, his mouth hanging open slightly. Virgil smiled and tugged him along, laughing quietly as he stumbled a bit before meeting his pace. 

* * *

It became a common occurrence after that. 

Virgil acted the same as usual around their friends, but as soon as they were alone, Roman found himself pressed up against the shorter man, feverishly exchanging heated kisses as Virgil pushed him onto the nearest surface and slid onto his lap. The sudden change in character often gave him whiplash. 

More often than he’d like, Roman would wake up to a cold bed, with nothing more than his memories from the night before to keep him company. The few mornings when Roman was awake to see Virgil leave, conversations would be short and blunt. 

“Stay?” 

Silence. 

The question hung heavily between them, and Virgil stilled from where he was tugging on his jeans.

“I have work.”

It was Sunday. 

“Maybe next time then,” Roman said defeatedly, curling even further into his covers. 

“Maybe.”

Virgil pulled his things together and headed out of the bedroom, mumbling a quiet “bye” as he left. 

“See you-” Virgil slammed the front door closed, “-later.” 

Roman just sighed and pulled the covers over his head. 

Tears were useless at this point anyway. 

* * *

  
Around the end of the second month of doing… _ whatever this was _, Virgil began sticking around afterwards. It was never for very long, but Roman was thankful for every second. 

Roman soon got into the habit of making breakfast for two, and was rewarded by grateful kisses, which sometimes led to Roman getting pushed back into his bedroom by Virgil, not that he was complaining. 

They were having breakfast together in Roman’s small kitchen when he made another mistake. 

[“Baby, you don’t have to rush, you could leave a toothbrush at my place, at my place,”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUKtmclDrhU) Roman sang along with the radio, looking pointedly at Virgil as he sipped his hot chocolate.

Virgil ignored the comment, and Roman absentmindedly continued.

“You could start leaving a few of your things here, you know. That way you wouldn’t have to leave so soon.” 

Virgil stopped eating and stared at Roman.

Roman could feel his face heating and nervously tapped his fingers against his thigh, wincing at how the quiet music suddenly sounded deafening. 

“Not everything of course, I’m not asking you to move in or anything- we’re nowhere close to that, I just meant a few of your things-” Roman took in the blank expression on Virgil’s face, “-or maybe just an extra pair of clothes, or… or a toothbrush?” he finished lamely, face as red as his hair. 

Virgil didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes focused on his plate.

“I’ll think about it.” 

Roman knew better than to get his hopes up. 

* * *

Virgil looked livid. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“I think you know.”

Roman pressed the ice-pack harder against his bruised knuckles, clenching his teeth and letting out a hiss as the biting cold stung his hand. 

He, Virgil, Logan, and Patton were out at a bar when a sleazy man came over and started hitting on Virgil. Roman had ignored it at first, clenching a fist tightly and gritting his teeth to keep from stepping in. He knew very well that Virgil could take care of himself, but after twenty minutes of Virgil shutting him down, the man still refused to take a hint. 

Logan and Patton were getting uncomfortable and Virgil was clearly irritated, so they decided to call it a night, but the brainless moron must’ve thought he was getting somewhere if the hand wrapped around Virgil’s wrist and the blatant invitation to go back to his place was anything to go by. 

In seconds, the man was on the floor, cupping a defensive hand around his (probably broken) nose, dark red blood seeping from behind his fingers and onto the floor. After that, he was quick to scramble up off the floor and disappear without a second glance at any of them.

The fist Roman had been clenching all night was dusted red with blood and dark bruises were beginning to blossom at his knuckles. Patton was surprised, Logan had thinly-veiled relief on his face, and Virgil looked _ furious._

Roman was quick to excuse himself after that, really not in the mood for the lecture he would no doubt receive from Patton as soon as he gathered his bearings, and headed back to his place. Less than an hour after he’d gotten home, Virgil stormed in, looking no less angry than he had earlier. 

“I was handling it,” Virgil bit out.

Roman scoffed, “He refused to get a clue. You were clearly uncomfortable.”

Virgil narrowed his eyes and growled.

“It’s not your _ job _ to look out for me. Whatever you _ think _ is going on between us is obviously not what I think it is.” 

With that comment, Virgil left. Whether or not he would be coming back was a mystery, and Roman didn’t stick around long enough to find out. 

Patton didn’t say anything about Roman’s sudden appearance at his and Logan’s apartment after seeing him only hours earlier, he didn’t even mention the fight; instead, he offered an ice pack for his hand and mentioned that there were blankets in the hallway closet if he was spending the night. 

* * *

The next few weeks were filled with an icy silence on both Roman and Virgil’s ends; Virgil never texted and Roman wasn’t willing to start the conversation. In the shared time Roman spent between his apartment and Patton and Logan’s, neither asked what happened, and carried on as usual without the occasional mention of Virgil. 

By the beginning of the fifth week, Patton didn’t allow him in and instead guilted him with his Disappointed Dad Stare until Roman cracked and begrudgingly promised to go talk to Virgil. 

When he arrived at Virgil’s place he expected more yelling or even the chilling silence he was growing accustomed to, so the sudden way Virgil pulled him inside and tugged him close was a little jarring to say the least. And Roman meant to pull away, to say- or better yet, _ yell _all the things he’d been thinking since he’d last seen him, but Virgil’s mouth was so warm and so inviting where it pressed against his, and he’d honest to god missed this more than anything, so… 

he pressed right back.

* * *

When Roman woke up, Virgil was still there, very much awake, just squeezing his hand in his. Roman squeezed back just as tightly. Neither spoke, not wanting to break the fragile atmosphere. Nearly an hour passed before Roman felt daring enough to speak.

“I like you, and I want this to be an actual relationship. But if you don’t want that, then we can’t keep doing this.”

Virgil’s face was blank, his eyes dark with thought. Roman waited impatiently, and after what felt like an eternity, he sighed and began to get out of bed, but was stopped by Virgil’s quiet singing.

“Baby, you don’t have to rush, you can leave a toothbrush at my place, at my place-”

The line was barely out of his mouth before Roman grinned and pressed his lips against Virgil’s smiling ones. 

They spent the rest of the day in bed. Fingers were laced together, dozens more kisses were exchanged, and Roman waking up to a cold bed was now just a long-forgotten memory.


	2. my ugly mouth (damn those words that come out)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's point of view.

It was an accident. Really, it was. He and Roman were at Roman’s apartment, thoughts muddled with mirth and alcohol, when Virgil saw the way Roman was eyeing him and thought, “Hey, there’s an idea.”

The night that followed was a bit of a blur, but Virgil waking up nude in the other’s bed with Roman’s warm body, still asleep, allowed him to gather the gist of it. 

He left in a hurry after that, not quite in the mood for an awkward “It was just the alcohol talking, I don’t really like you like that, so let’s never talk about this again” or worse, “I don’t like you like that, but maybe this could be a regular thing?” 

A friends-with-benefits arrangement would never truly satisfy Virgil, yet if he was really given the option, he didn’t think he could ever say no, at least not when it came to Roman. Where he was concerned, Virgil was willing to take whatever he could get, as little or as much as Roman would offer. 

Yes, it was pathetic, but Virgil had always felt a little sore around his heart when Roman was involved. 

He pulled his things together, dropped a feather-light kiss to Roman’s temple, and shuffled out the front door, shamefully avoiding the text from Patton asking if he got home alright. 

* * *

The second time it happened was an accident too. 

The four of them were hanging out and Virgil couldn’t stop noticing how Roman’s gaze never seemed to stray too far from his face. He lingered over comments and looked a bit more indecisive when it came to answering questions. 

He seemed so off that Virgil tried a little harder than usual to act nonchalant, just to help balance out the odds. If Patton and Logan noticed, neither of them said anything. 

After a few hours, Roman excused himself and Virgil decided to leave as well. As they were leaving, Roman’s eyes were on him once more, gaze dark and heavy. 

Maybe it was the fact that Virgil had wanted something like this for years, and it was just within his grasp, or maybe it was that Virgil felt a bit cheated from not remembering the first time they had done it, but either way, Virgil had just _ wanted. _

Virgil was on him in seconds, pressing Roman against the wall and kissing him roughly, pouring everything he had into it. 

When he finally pulled back, Roman’s eyes were dazed, lips red and kiss-swollen, and Virgil’s heart skipped a beat. 

“Your place?” tumbled from his lips before he could think, and Roman nodded fervently along. 

Virgil just smiled and tugged him away.

Oh well. It wasn’t the _ worst _decision he’s ever made. 

* * *

It became a common occurrence after that. 

They would act normal around Patton and Logan, but as soon as they were alone, Roman would give him that shy smile and Virgil would find himself in his lap, pressing kisses to wherever he could reach.

It wasn’t a good system- not even _ close _ to healthy by any means, but Virgil would take what he could get. And if all he could get was another night with no attachments, then he’d take it. 

* * *

“Stay?”

Virgil froze from where he was pulling on his clothes from the previous day. 

Staying meant talking. Staying meant acknowledging this thing between them. Staying meant having his heart broken. 

Staying meant leaving. 

“I have work,” he lied.

Virgil heard the blankets on Roman’s bed shift but didn’t dare look behind him. 

“Maybe next time.”

“Maybe.”

He ignored the urge to wince at the comment of ‘next time’, knowing fully well there was going to be one, and grabbed his things. For a moment, he entertained the thought of sticking around and maybe even having breakfast with Roman, just pretending that things weren’t as broken as they seemed. 

“Bye.”

Maybe another day. 

“See you-” 

Virgil slammed the door shut. 

* * *

Virgil started sticking around during the morning after, just pushing his limits bit by bit, trying to see where Roman would finally draw the line. By the second month he was accustomed to staying for breakfast and the occasional round two that followed, leading the two of them to have an early lunch together more often than not. The two settled into an almost domestic routine, making Virgil ache with the knowledge that it’d all have to come to an end eventually. 

They were eating breakfast in the kitchen, Roman singing along to the radio, and Virgil wondering how he could manage to get another kiss out of him without initiating anything serious before he had to head to work. 

“Baby, you don’t have to rush, you could leave a toothbrush at my place, at my place.”

Virgil ignored the way Roman looked pointedly at him, instead choosing to focus on the half-eaten breakfast in front of him. 

“You could start leaving a few of your things here, you know. That way you wouldn’t have to leave so soon.”

They both immediately froze. 

Roman reddened and started twitching, quickly backtracking, “Not everything of course, I’m not asking you to move in or anything- we’re nowhere close to that, I just meant a few of your things- or maybe just an extra pair of clothes, or… or a toothbrush?”

Virgil’s eyes dropped to his plate. Surely Roman couldn’t be _ serious. _ Sure, they were friends, and they were definitely friends-with-benefits, but leaving some of his things over would be like… 

Would be like… 

“I’ll think about it,” he lied.

* * *

Virgil was pissed. 

“What the hell was that?”

“I think you know.” 

Except that was the problem. He _ didn’t _ know. He didn’t understand why Roman had done that when just two months earlier he would’ve let Virgil handle it on his own and poke fun at him for it later, or, on the occasions the others would get too aggressive, flatly tell the man to fuck off. Roman breaking the other’s nose was so out of character that Virgil was dizzying himself with the possibilities why. 

There was one reason that he _ really _wanted it to be, but didn’t dare to entertain as a reality.

Instead, Virgil bit out, “I was handling it.”

“He refused to get a clue. You were clearly uncomfortable.”

Maybe it was the frustration of always being so close to something he always wanted, or maybe it was the way Roman acted every _ bit _ of the boyfriend Virgil always wanted him to be, but he just _ snapped._

“It’s not your _ job _ to look out for me. Whatever you _ think _ is going on between us is obviously not what I think it is.” 

Even if Virgil hadn’t regretted his words immediately, the way Roman shrank back certainly would’ve done the trick. 

He left immediately, and spent the night wondering when the sight of Roman’s hurt expression would leave his mind.   
  


* * *

Virgil didn’t text him for the first week, selfishly hoping Roman would be the one to reach out and break the ice. 

During the second week he debated calling Roman several times, not knowing how to fit everything he wanted into a text, but everytime he went to press the call button, he hesitated and worried himself into shutting his phone off completely out of panic. 

By the middle of the third week Virgil tried dropping by his place. He knocked politely the first few times he went over instead of using the spare key, giving Roman the choice to answer the door or to leave him be. By the fourth time he went over, he used his key, politeness be damned, because he hadn’t heard from Roman in weeks and was starting to get worried. 

A few things in the apartment looked recently moved, so Virgil allowed himself to relax a little. But just to be sure, he called Logan. 

Virgil hadn’t talked to Patton or Logan since he walked out of Roman’s apartment that night, nervous that the others would ask about hanging out altogether, or worse, push him to talk to the other before Roman was ready. That’s not to say they hadn’t texted occasionally or asked about meeting up, but Virgil had quickly blown them off. 

“Good morning, Virgil.”

“Morning, L. Have you seen Roman lately?”

There was a slight pause. “Yes. He’s been staying at Patton and I’s apartment.”

Another pause, this time longer. “Did you wish to-”

“No!” Virgil cut him off quickly. “I just- I just wanted to know where he was, that’s all.”

This time it wasn’t a pause, but rather full-blown silence. Virgil was about to check to see if Logan had hung up when he heard him speak. 

“Virgil, I’m not certain what happened between the two of you, but I suggest fixing it sooner rather than later.”

Damn. He must’ve _ really _fucked up if even Logan noticed. 

“I will,” Virgil promised before hanging up. 

Virgil spent the fourth week hanging around his apartment, trying not to think about Roman running off to Logan’s apartment in an effort to avoid him. 

On the second day of the fifth week, Roman stood in the doorway of his apartment. 

Too relieved to speak, Virgil pulled him inside and kissed him within an inch of his life. 

* * *

The next morning, Virgil woke up in Roman’s bed and held his hand, just taking the time to study the patterns the sun made on his face through the window. When Roman woke, they spent the next hour in silence, just squeezing the other’s hand.

The tense atmosphere was broken by Roman taking a breath. 

“I like you, and I want this to be an actual relationship. But if you don’t want that, then we can’t keep doing this.”

Virgil nearly stopped breathing. He completely froze, body so wracked with want and longing that he couldn’t even begin to comprehend how to respond. 

Just when he was about to answer, he heard Roman sigh and begin to pull himself out of bed. Near frantic, Virgil struggled to think of something- _ anything _ to get him to stay. 

“Baby, you don’t have to rush, you can leave a toothbrush at my place, at my place-”

He barely finished the line before Roman beamed and kissed him soundly. 

Turns out, staying meant _ staying. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from the song “My Ugly Mouth” by Meg & Dia

**Author's Note:**

> The song mentioned was "Toothbrush" by DNCE (I personally adore the cover by Max Wrye more than the original).
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr @ raspbirrypancakes


End file.
